| "Let’s face
it, it's not rocket science" – that was Justice Minister Jim Wallace’s
response this week to criticism of the nation’s fingerprinting service. Supremely
relaxed about an observation that might cause disquiet among the less legally
sophisticated, Mr Wallace insisted that correctly identifying prints was more art than
science, requiring intuition and creativity.
Although lab technicians might be taking their
creativity a bit too seriously with concern over the prints service growing recently, with
prints often returning from the lab adorned with cartoon ears and smiley faces.
Pausing only to adjust his deerstalker and puff furiously on
a Meerschaum, Mr Wallace announced that from now on the justice budget would come from the
Scottish Arts Council coffers to address the chronic under-training that bedevils the
Scottish police force. |
In future, the
minister revealed, police cadets would receive instruction in creative writing. Thus, for
example, a statement from the accused that initially reads "It wisnae me, I didnae
dae nu’hing" would be creatively rewritten by arresting officers into:
"Yes, I admit it, you’ve got me bang to rights. I did it, so I did. It was
definitely me." Later in the week, Mr Wallace spoke to a hurriedly
covened meeting with 1500 officers on the need to get more policemen on the beat. After
the three hour speech, departing bizzies discovered that all their cars had been done
over, with sundry cd players and quantities of skunk in (ahem) "evidence bags"
missing. |
