| As thousands of disgruntled rural
residents travelled south to protest in London this weekend about something or other, a
little known urban group pledged that they would "look after" humble rural
dwellings while owners were absent. The Urban Ned Alliance, a loose
grouping of city based "activists" are organising a "Steal the
country" day, with thousands of city based wealth re-distributionists heading out to
deserted rural areas to help themselves to "hunners of gear".
A leading spokeskappacap for the alliance told the JT: "With farming
attracting subsidies out of all proportion to the sector’s 0.7% contribution to GDP,
we see the day’s activities as very much a robust exercise in re-distributing wealth
- mainly into the back of an H reg Nova 1.2L with go-faster stripes." |
Meanwhile, in an exercise in
completely rational solidarity, leading hard pressed members of the rural economy will
march side by side through the UK’s capital. Vigorously rejecting claims that the
march is a front for animal torturing sadists, one land-owning activist told the JT:
"It's not about foxhunting, it's about the traditional values of the countryside
namely, paying our workers hee-haw wages while trousering subsidies mainly paid out of
urban pockets." Scottish participants on the march are especially
blessed by the presence of uber-tubster, Clarissa Dickson Wright who promises to whip up
one of her signature dishes, "A serving of dead animal flesh on a bed of dead animal
flesh, garnished with dead animal flesh and drizzled with dead animal flesh."
Yum, yum. |
