"And it’s a big hello from your old mate Mike Russell with the time on Time FM this morning just coming up to… er hang on, I can’t quite see the clock actually and I can’t find my glasses.

No, hang on, I had them a minute ago. Anyway, while I find the pesky things here’s a track that holds special meaning for me. It's by a little known band that I can’t quite remember the name of at the moment, but anyway see what you think of   "Alex Salmond, he’s a back-stabbing bastard."…

..and it's competition time here on Time FM with the time coming up to… no, sorry , I still haven’t quite got the clock in focus. The optician did say I should be looking at bi-focals now and apparently there’s a two pairs for one offer at Specsavers just now.., Anyway, where was I?

Oh yes, today’s competition! Now, to be with a chance to win today’s star prize, a test sit-in of Stanna’s new GT1 Stairlift, you need to complete the following sentence in an amusing and original way.

So, ready? Here it comes: "Nicola Sturgeon is a wee …". There you go, just let your imagination run riot! We had a go in the office this morning and you’d be surprised how many nouns I came up with to describe Nicola. Actually, we ran out of time, and I hadn’t got past words beginning with the letter c…

…and we’ve received an email here this morning from Agnes McClummfery of Costorphine who seems to be a pretty typical Time FM listener, middle-aged, living in Edinburgh and loaded.

And she says: "Dear Mike, glad to see you’re keeping yourself busy. It must be a welcome distraction from that feeling of burning resentment at how Alex carved you right up. Threw your friendship back in your face, ripped the hope out of your heart and trampled into the bitter dust of defeat. But I suspect that even your new job as DJ can’t fill all your time properly can it Mike?

There must be times, maybe in the wee sma’ hours, when the anger and hurt flares up and you get out of bed to stare into the mirror and the face of a broken, betrayed has-been stares back at you. I expect that happens a lot, doesn’t it Mike?" And Agnes concludes her email saying "Could you play something by Frank Sinatra for my elderly mother who hasn’t been too well recently?" No, fuck off…

Anyway, I’m being told by my producer that time’s beat us again here on Time FM,

but tune in tomorrow when there will be loads of good music, competitions, phone-ins and a fair amount of dead-air when I start to think about things and just stare off into the middle distance, completely still apart from that pulsing tic under my left eye.