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Scotland a world leader in aids to fat, lazy bastard lifestyle.
For anyone whose ever been cornered at a party by some bore droning on about how Scotland has historically led the world in scientific advance, news from boffin world this week will only confirm that we still lead the world etc in coming up with ideas that allow us to continue to just sit about watching the telly.

First up, scientists at Edinburgh have invented something or other that means you can move something else without actually touching it. It's only at the nano-technology stage at the moment, apparently, but the boffins predict that in a few years, we’ll be able to just point a laser beam at an object to move it about.

Think of it like a remote control, except that instead of changing channels on the telly, the owner of the new device will be able to remotely operate the door of the fridge, lock on to a can of Super and pull it towards themselves.  Think of it as an alcohol tractor beam.

Next up, archaeologists working at the 12th Century monastery at Soutra Isle have discovered that the Augustinian monks chewed the bitter vetch plant to stave off hunger.

With commercial development just around the corner, we Scots will be able to take the pill and still eat like bastards, because when has not feeling hungry ever stopped us eating?

Inside: I mean, what’s eating chocolate got to do with feeling hungry? Mmm, chocolate…
September 2005

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