Instead of being given a good talking-to, the errant water skooshers are to receive intensive "sensitivity training". Topics to be covered include:

• Yes, we all know that gay men have a thing about uniforms but when you receive a call-out to attend a fire at a gay man’s house, believe me, shagging you will be the last thing on his mind.
• Gay fires aren’t any different from heterosexual fires, fires don’t have sexual preferences. There’s no such thing as a gay fire.
• Do not get into arguing sexual politics with a diesel dyke, she’ll kick your arse.
• Gay people will not say your fire safety leaflet fails to engage with cutting-edge developments in graphic design. They might think it, but they won’t say it.
• Let’s face it. Being teased about your uniform by a muscle mary doesn’t compare by being half-bricked by some ned when you’re on a call-out.
• Admit it. Those rubber trouser things are way sexy.

Predictably, the rent-a-fonts over at the archdiocese have been quick to defend the firemen on grounds of conscience as our spokestim now confirms :

"It’s well known that gays are obsessed by sex and have a thing about uniforms. Er, hang on, I’ve just thought that statement through, just forget I said anything."

Presumably The Church thinks handing out fire safety leaflets to gay people is a waste of time since they’re all going to eventually burn in hell anyway...