| A spokesperson for the Scotland
Office acted quickly to quash rumours this week that new Secretary of State, Helen
Liddell, is in fact Stalin's Granny. "Joseph Stalin was born in
1879, Ms Liddell was born in 1950. I think reasonable observers will agree that this
chronology rules out any familial link between a dictatorial martinet and some dead
Russian bloke."
The spokesperson did reveal details of Ms Liddell's diary for the first week,
including having her hair polished, purging the apparatchiki of counter-revolutionary
cliques and organising the catering for the subsequent show trials.
Elsewhere, John Reid takes up the Northern Ireland portfolio and has already
complained about the workload. |
He had, it appears, become used to
his role as Scottish Secretary where he only had to come into the office once a week to
check on his Tonygrams, drink a cup of coffee and look out the window for the rest of the
day while whistling tunelessly. Sources close to the minister say Dr
Reid is unhappy with the onerous duties of his new posting, having to get up every day
bloody early and read reports and everything.
In typically combative mode, senior SNP figures and John Swinney welcomed the
appointment of Ms Liddell to the Scottish post.
Ms Margo MacDonald spoke for many in the party when she told the JT, "See
that Helen Liddell right? Well see if I saw her on the street or in a pub right? And see
if she looked at me the wrong way right? I'd batter fuck out of her…" |
