| Universities all over Scotland
reopen over the coming weeks, affording a welcome boost to local economies, with an
increase expected in the sale of academic books, food, drink and appallingly poor quality
dope. A local dealer explains: "It's quiet round here in the summer like. All my
regulars are looking for good gear, so I can't off-load the crap stuff."
The return of students however will allow the dealer to maximise profit while
dispensing shit dope to a succession of acne-scarred middle class over-achievers who will
happily buy any old rubbish and pretend it's smokable. |
Elsewhere, University principals
across the country prepared to welcome the annual intake of new undergraduates. As one
senior academic explained: "Each new generation of students represents a uniquely
talented collection of individuals who, over time, will demonstrate their singular
originality by getting pissed all the time, scribbling "new" graffiti in the
union bog , picking up a sexually-transmitted disease and pretending never to do any
work…" In time honoured fashion, the new first year intake will allow second
years to stand around in groups making hilarious sarcastic remarks about "bloody
kids"
|
