| Following press surveys that found
few Scots had a scoobie about who the leader of the SNP actually was, John Swinney has
simply faded away. A source close to the man who used to sit next to
Alex confirmed last night that the low profile SNP supremo had experienced trouble in the
last few months maintaining corporeal form.
"What with everyone routinely ignoring him, John was becoming increasingly
translucent. I'm afraid the latest survey result was simply the last straw. John
disappeared completely save for a tiny star-like light that floated upwards to join the
angels in heaven, or something." |
The loss of Swinney's less than
stellar presence produced mixed reactions among the SNP this week. Nicola Sturgeon, the
party's spokesfish, wept openly on hearing the news. Too shocked to speak she contented
herself with issuing a 24-page press release headlined "John Swinney - why he'd want
me to be leader." Critics of Mr Swinney in the party were less
guarded. Margo MacDonald, wild-eyed fundie and leading opponent of the gradualist faction
of the party, spoke for many when she cackled uncontrollably whilst torturing Toto.
Meanwhile, Henry McLeish was reported feverishly
turning switches and pulling levers behind a velvet curtain, while bemused MSPs could only
look on in astonishment. |
