| Following his frankly bewildering
visit to England a week or so back, SNP top banana launched phase two of his carefully
thought through electoral strategy by telling his fellow Scots: "You’re all a
bunch of moaning bastards." In a meticulously planned intervention,
Mr Swinney told his audience "Instead of blaming everyone else for Scotland’s
problems, we need to face up to the truth. Let’s face it : we’re pish."
As electoral pundits scratched their collective heads, Mr Swinney revealed the
thinking behind his, er, unusual public pronouncements to the JT.
"In telling the English last week that it was OK
to be English, the SNP can look forward to reaping electoral gains in all the key English
constituencies." |
Mr Swinney paused for a minute
before continuing, "Hang on, I’ve just thought that one through, forget I said
anything." When asked by the JT if he found anything ironic in
moaning about people moaning, Mr Swinney replied: "I don’t understand the
question so I’m not going to answer it. But I believe that the Scots electorate will
respond positively to being described as moaning Minnies."
The SNP press office later confirmed to the JT that Mr Swinney also believes
that fairies live at the bottom of the garden. |
