| In a move designed to answer
widespread opposition to pugilistic nut job "Barking" Mike Tyson fighting in
Scotland, the Home Secretary ,"Hopelessly Conflicted" Jack Straw ,announced
today that a compromise solution had been reached. Instead of Tyson boxing at Hampden stadium, the boxer will, instead, fight in
a ring set up inside Immigration control at Glasgow airport. "That way, he won't
actually be fighting in Scotland per se you see," a government spokesman told waiting
journalists.
The revised schedule now reads:
10.00AM. Tyson arrives at Glasgow from New York on specially
chartered Concorde.
10.05AM. Tyson enters ring, after five hour TV build up.
10.06AM. Tyson blows gently into face of opponent. |
10.07AM. Opponent is counted out
and taken back to the nearest rope a dope storage unit. 10.08AM. Tyson and scary entourage collect enormous cheque from promoters.
10.09AM. Promoters collect enormous cheque from gullible
"fight fans."
10.10AM. Tyson reboards Concorde back to New York, pausing
only at the duty free shop to blow his share of the prize money on pokes of brightly
coloured sweeties.
10.11AM. Jack Straw re-emerges from the cupboard under the
stairs where he's spent the last week rocking back and forward compulsively sucking his
thumb.
Board members at the Queen's Park club expressed some
disappointment at the re-location of the fight as they'd all been in receipt of free
ringside seats. But they felt better when it was pointed out that they could watch
meaningless one-sided "sporting contests" at Hampden every fortnight during the
season. |
