| Senior officials at the Ministry of
Defence reacted quickly last night to reassure people living close to the Dundrennan
firing range amid renewed firing of depleted uranium shells into the bay. Speaking
from the family home in Surrey, a MOD spokespatrician sipped on a dry sherry, sighed
languidly before yawning and finally telling the JT: "There's really nothing to worry
about. The technical Johnnies assure me that this depleted uranium is perfectly safe as
long as you don't touch it, breathe it in, or eat anything that swims about in the sea. I
mean, Good Lord, what is the problem?
The spokesposh, pausing only to select a decent claret
for dinner, went on: "I really am disappointed in the Jocks over this one. |
I mean, don't get me wrong, fine
fighting men, damn good beaters in the grouse season come to that...but really, we all
must share in the costs of testing the nation's munitions." He went
on to suggest that the firing range could become a tourist attraction, charging visitors
to watch as big guns go boom followed by a spectacular fountaining of water as the 15-inch
shells smash into the bay at supersonic speed.
Possible relocation of the perfectly safe DU firing, to say, Guildford, have
been rejected by the MOD.
Our patrician contact told the JT: "Terrible bore I know, but just not on
I'm afraid, my retrievers Tarquin and Emily are terribly skittish, loud noises really set
them off." |
