| Americans were this weekend
trying to sort out who, if anyone, had first dibs at the big red nuke button following the
tightest presidential election in presidential election history. The latest figures
show that out of over 98,000,000 votes cast the difference between Al Gore and George
'dubbleya' Bush was just 218,000 and in Florida, where lawyers are now zooming by the
planeload, the pair are separated by just 327 votes out of almost 6,000,000 votes cast. Commenting on the situation from Edinburgh, Henry McLeish said
"Aye well, it must have been like trying to decide between Omo and Daz."
Pulling an old tennis ball from his jacket pocket Mr McLeish then went on "Anyone
want a game of keepy up? East Fife hammered Brechin yesterday and I'm all
excited."
Dropping his papers in his hurry to join in the game Jim
Wallace piped in "Yes those American politicians are all the same; no policy
differences just personality. Not like me and Henry; we have major policy
differences but no personality." |
Asked if he was referring back to
his flippety floppety over education, Mr Wallace chirped "Look pal, gonnie just
forget I said that okay?" to which an aide added "Aye shut yer face ya
muckrakin' wee nyaff or we'll sling yer carcass in the nick with the rest of they
fermers." Elsewhere we note that Andrew Neil
has scribbled a piece in the NeilonSunday concerning the Florida fuddle duddle. In his
article Mr Andrew suggests that not having an elected president in the United States may
be a good thing and it should probably stay that way so that Alan Greenspan, the big
banking guy, can get on with his own agenda without interference from democratically
elected governments.
Asked by the JT's raving reporter why he was stuffing his
C.V. into a big envelope with airmail stamps on it, Mr Andrew hurried off muttering
something about nearly having done all he could for Scotland and he'll see us in a week,
maybe. |
