| As the hurly burly surrounding how
much care Scotland's Government owes the country's chronologically gifted subsided a bit
this weekend, it emerged that all the fuss has caused a bit of an unexpected side effect. The first cruise liner-load of what is thought to be an 'Armada'
carrying scores of geriatric ex-pats docked in Leith in the early hours of Saturday
morning. As the first of the passengers hobbled uncertainly off the gangway, First
Minister Henry McLeish warned that Scotland would not become a haven for bogus nursing
home seekers.
"We will" he told The JT, "install a rigorous
programme of ethnic screening to make sure that these ga ga grannies are in fact Scottish.
The testing process will involve playing "God Save The Queen" to assembled
geriatrics. |
If anyone totters to their feet,
they'll be escorted to the border and left bewildered and alone on the hard shoulder of
the M6." Minister for Grey Areas, Susan Deacon, took a similar
hardline stance. "We have to control the total numbers of ancients we're expected to
molly-coddle, so at crossing points into Scotland we're setting up really steep stairs to
catch out any coffin dodgers attempting to get in disguised as someone younger."
Any older citizen who thinks they might be entitled to the odd extra tea bag are
being asked to use a freephone number, 084575694735347458473623452437634784848, any third
Saturday of the month, between 9.00pm and 10.00pm. |
